Dining & Nightlife | Singles

Can’t Keep Up

I ’m a guy in my fifties looking for a woman who is exciting as well as smart and well put together. I love to try new things. I’m not saying I want to relive my youth or party all night; I just want to be active. And I’m definitely not looking for a young woman; I’d like a mature, sophisticated lady who’s also “over the hill.” And I’m meeting them. But after a few months, I’m getting dumped for pretty much the same reason every time—she says she can’t keep up and believes I really want a twenty year old. Some of my pals are experiencing different versions of the same story. Is it possible women in our age group really can’t keep up?

Dear Getting Dumped,

This makes no sense, especially since I am over 50 and have more energy than most 30 year olds but only when it involves things I like to do and share them with someone I want to be with. What are these “things” you like to do? Are you asking them to race bikes to Montauk? This has nothing to do with age—believe me on that one!

Why not ask these smart, sophisticated and exciting ladies what they like to do rather than assuming the activities you pick are fun and exciting.

Energy level is the spark in the relationship. Each one should pull from the other’s spark. Sorry to say Mr. Move and Groove, these ladies just aren’t feeling the spark with you. I can tell you that being active and sharing the same interests are not one in the same.

If you asked me to play volleyball or take a ride on the back of a motorcycle, I would have said “See ya” before the date even finished. I’d be able to tell right away we have nothing in common, it has nothing to do with keeping up, I just have no interest in any of that. Ask me to go see a 70’s band and dance all night, I’m in, if I like you. Get it? Start a friendship with common likes and interests and then you can hop, skip and jump onto the road to romance. You say you are getting dumped for the same reason by several women, maybe it’s not them, and not you either, but your approach that needs a tweak.

­—Jeanie

Dear Mr. Over the Hill,

Age group? What’s in a number? We are as old as we feel. Looking? You look for a new car or you shop for new clothes, but when we look for a type of partner with special requirements in mind, we’re clearly not ready. Be flexible. There’s magic to attraction, something unexplainable, it’s not criteria that has to be met. When you “shop” for a date and you’re on a mission, you’re not being natural. Then you date and continue to interview. She gets the feeling that you are on a trek and wants to get off your trail.

Did you ever buy something that doesn’t fit, don’t need and have to return? I’ve done it! When you get home, you’re reminded of the time and money you wasted. A first date should be sort of like window shopping. You stroll by a few stores in a casual mood, with no needs. You smile at the decorated windows, laugh at the headless mannequin, sip your iced coffee and enjoy the moment. You see something, you buy it or you don’t, but you leave happy either way. It’s the chemistry of the moment that should count the most.

On a first meet, chemistry must prevail­—and I’m not talking about “jump into the sack” chemistry! Attraction comes in many forms. A great smile you want to see again, beautiful eyes you want to gaze into. Without sounding like shallow Hal, looks count too. Did any of this happen before the dumping or was it the bungee jumping that made her run? Be active but expand your activities as well. When you find the chemistry, you may not need all that activity! Just being together creates its own importance. Window shop, enjoy the journey, not the destination and you should find the trip lasts a lot longer.

—Garrett

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